So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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