So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
