We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
