He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
