The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
