You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
