The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
