Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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