My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize