Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
