She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
