yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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