I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
