i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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