There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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