Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
