The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
