please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
