he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
