is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have aggressive nipples.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
