is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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