Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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