I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
