i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
