i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
