btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it hurts more in the daytime
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Found the puke drawer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
