I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
