just tell him i said nine months
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
