who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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