I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize