so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
