Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
