I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This baby is an asshole
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
