Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
