Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
