I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
