Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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