She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
