I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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