How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
