No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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