i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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