Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want her autograph on my taint
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
