No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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