I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
