She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
