Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
