Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
