i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
