I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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