How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
