I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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