You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
