There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
