seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
