you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
