Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
