how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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