You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
