i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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