The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
