I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
