i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
