I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
