It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
