There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So vagazzling was a success
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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