Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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