every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
