All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
