Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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