Capitaan dildo arrescate!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
