I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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