Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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