Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
