Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
