whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
