his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
