pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize