I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
