my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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