as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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