Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
