Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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